The following are ideas for honoring your baby - compiled from various online resources by the Healing Hearts Support Group.

Consider ways of honoring your baby and making his/her life more real.

• If you haven't named the baby already, give him/her a name (unisex if you don't know the sex)
• Consider sending out birth/death announcements to friends and family
• Wear a pendant or other piece of jewelry
• Name a star through the International Star Registry: (800) 282-3333, www.starregistry.com
• Have a favorite object created into a custom urn: (800) 992-7292, www.creativecremains.com
• Create or purchase artwork
• Make a donation to a favorite charity
• Plant a tree

Memory Ideas
(compiled by Dawn Siegrist Waltman from her book In A Heartbeat)

The following is a list of ideas specifically for the purpose of keeping the memory of your baby alive. Several ideas are especially helpful if you have other children because it gives them a tangible, nonthreatening way to remember their sibling. Create your own ideas or tailor any of these to meet your needs and the needs of the loved ones around you.

1. Write a letter to your baby. Share you heartache and sorrow as well as your dreams of heaven.
2. Make a memory box for your baby. Tuck any special mementos, letters, gifts, or cards in the box. Add items whenever you would like. (For example: Christmas, due date, Mother's Day, anniversary of his or her death.) Look through the box alone or with others to rekindle the memories of your baby.
3. Erect a cross or plant a tree, bush or bulbs in your garden in memory of your baby.
4. For your baby's birthday, consider having a small birthday cake. Tie notes or pictures to helium balloons and then release them into the sky.
5. For any gift-giving holiday, purchase a gift in memory of your child. Make it personal by choosing a gift according to the sex and age that your child would be, had he or she not have died. Wrap your gift and then bless a needy child in memory of your baby.
6. When you are ready, consider organizing a small memorial garden at your church in memory of all the children who have died from miscarrage, stillbirth, or early infant death.
7. Choose an ornament in memory of your baby, possibly engraved or personalized with his or her name and birth date.
8. Hang a Christmas stocking for your baby and have family members tuck special notes or pictures inside. You can even make your baby's stocking from bits and pieces of special clothing or blankets.
9. Purchase or have someone make a rag doll in memory of your baby. You can use your maternity clothing, or clothing that you had purchased for your baby. (sleepers, blankets) Include the doll in family photos if you wish.
10. Stitch a nursery sampler for your baby, or make a quilt. Use scraps from your maternity clothes and your baby's clothing or blankets.
11. Press a flower from your garden or flower shop reflecting the season your baby died. Tuck it in a keepsake box or make it into a bookmark for your Bible or another favorite book.
12. Put together a scrapbook. Include ultrasound photos, baby shower photos, and all other information pertaining to your pregnancy. Journal in this scrapbook. (make sure you use quality products, so that you "preserve" these memories.)
13. Start a collection of figurines for you baby, starting with his birth. (such as Precious Moments, Cherished Teddies ) Add a figurine for each birthday and/or special occasions.

Create a Baby Book

One way that some couples have magnified the precious side of the memory of their baby was to make a baby book.  A Company called Creative Memories has books in various sizes and colors to suit your needs.  These books are all acid free, and will preserve your memories for life.  The following is a list of some things to consider including in your baby's book.

• Your positive pregnancy test
• Pictures of you at various stages of your pregnancy
• Pictures of your shower including the invitation
• The picture taken in  the hospital nursery and any other pictures that you have.
• a lock of hair
• A set of footprints
• A birth certificate
• The baby's arm bracelet given for identification in the nursery.
• A small scrap of paper from the final monitoring showing racing of the child's heart rate.
• A record of the weight, length, head, and chest measurements of your baby.
• A piece of the baby blanket your baby was wrapped in.
• The cap your baby wore in the hospital.
• The baby's death certificate
• Cards and letters written to your family concerning the baby.
• Dried flower from bouquets given to you, or from the funeral.
• A copy of an announcement sent out to family and friends of the baby's birth and death
• The doctor's explanation of why the baby died.
• Scripture verses that helped you during your suffering.
• Poems you wrote or that others gave about your baby

Creating Memories

When your baby dies, everything you do for and with your baby becomes a very special memory.  Because there are so few moments to share during this difficult time, for many parents and families it is important to create tangible mementos of their child.  Sometimes they create traditions to honor their baby, or they might make a special gift or craft as a gentle reminder.  For so many bereaved families, finding meaningful ways to cherish the short life of their baby is significant to healthy healing.

The following information has been gathered by bereaved parents, grandparents, friends, and professionals.  It been provided as a source of answers to some of your questions, and also to help find ways for you to honor and cherish your baby’s short life.

How can I begin creating memories?
The moment you found out you were pregnant you created a lasting memory.  There are many tangible items you can collect starting from the time you found out you were having a baby.  Begin by gathering anything that reminds you of your pregnancy or baby.
Mementos before delivery or with an early pregnancy loss can include…

• Pregnancy test results
• Appointment cards from your doctor’s office
• Sonogram picture – if you had an ultrasound, but do not have a picture, call your doctor or lab and ask for a copy
• Cards or flowers of congratulations or recognition of your pregnancy
• Pictures of yourself pregnant, even if you didn’t look or know you were pregnant

Mementos you can create or collect in the hospital can consist of…

• Pictures of you, your family, or friends
• Pictures of your baby
• Crib card, comb, or measuring tape
• Lock of hair
• Hospital birth certificate or honorary certificate
• Baby clothes and/or blanket
• Footprints and handprints ~ place them on paper or in a memory book
• Permanent footprints and handprints ~ if your facility does not provide permanent prints, you can use air hardening clay products
• Cards, flowers, or gifts you receive after your loss
• Stuffed animals
• Recognition of Life Certificate from SHARE
• Naming Ceremony/Baptism Booklet from SHARE
• Memory Book from SHARE

How can I create a special ceremony or funeral?
The following are suggestions that could be included when arranging a special ceremony for your baby.  Not all of the suggestions are right for everyone, but are offered to help you create a way to honor your baby and help you walk through your grief.

• Talk to funeral homes in your area
• If you do not have a gravesite or urn, or choose not to use the help of a funeral home, you can choose to have a Prayer Service or Remembrance Gathering to honor your baby.  This can be held at a location such as a church, home, park, garden, etc.  This also allows for choosing exactly when you want it to take place; soon after their death, on a holiday or on an anniversary.
• Follow religious traditions
• Create new traditions
• Pick out or create a poem or verse that is special to you or your situation
• Choose a song with special meaning
• Find a person you trust, and that is willing to follow your belief system, to conduct your service
• Have each family member or friend place a flower at the grave
• Light candles
• Have a balloon release
• Purchase a headstone or marker

Mementos to create or collect during your gathering can include…

• Flowers
• Notes or cards
• Booklets provided by the funeral home
• Service itinerary
• Pictures of the ceremony or family

What do I do with all these things I have saved?
When a baby dies, you lose the memories that you would have created in your future together.  For some parents, finding ways to create mementos is important to their grief process.  The following ideas may help you decide how you might want to honor and cherish the memories that you can create for you and your baby.  These ideas, perhaps, could help you find tangible connections to your special child.

• Make birth and/or death announcements.  This baby will impact your life as you never expected, and will find ways to touch others’ lives as well.  Making announcements validates your baby’s short life and can include precious memories for those you share it with.  You can include footprints, handprints, dates, times, weight or length, and/or a picture.  Parents sometimes feel that including a brief message about their baby’s short life and the need for continued support during this tragic time is a way of being open and reaching out to family and friends.
• Make copies of your ultrasound pictures. Put them in a safe place or laminate them.  Be sure not to use a heat laminator to seal your original ultrasound pictures, as the heat will damage them.  A copy center can copy them onto acid free paper to help preserve them longer.
• Create an album.  You can make a simple picture album or scrap book your pictures and paper memories.
• Create a memory box.  You can buy or decorate a memory box that can be any size or shape.  Including your mementos in the box is a good way to have your baby’s belongings close to you without displaying them.
• Create a shadow box.  A shadow box is a unique way of displaying all of those little items that sometimes get put away.  Show your pictures, hand and foot prints, tape measure, clothes/socks, crib card, lock of hair,  any other item that you have collected or created.
• Create tangible memories from blankets or clothing.  Many times clothes and blankets are put away in boxes, trunks, or closets for safekeeping.  Stuffed animals, angels, or quilts are just a few of the items you can create using the fabrics you have saved.
• Dry your flowers.  You can create many special things using your dried flowers.  For example, you could create a potpourri that could be displayed in a special bowl or vase.  You could also make decorations with store bought plastic and/or glass ornaments that can be filled with your flowers and ribbons, and decorated with fabric flowers, extra ribbon, or tiny, plastic baby decorations.  Making candles decorated with the flowers in the wax or placed neatly around it could be another creative way to display your special flowers.  You might also arrange or glue them in a shadow box around a special poem or picture.
• Find or make a shelf that can be used to display items of your choice.

What kind of new traditions can I create?
There may be a time when you are ready to include or share the short life of your baby in new ways.  Some families choose to create special ways to honor the special people in their lives who have died.  These suggestions may be helpful for you to find your own unique traditions that will continue your healing.

• There may be a particular figure/collectible like an angel, butterfly, teddy bear, or flower that you want to start collecting.  Local gift stores or Christian bookstores carry many items that may be appropriate for your loss.
• If you released balloons at the funeral, you can do the same for each birthday or significant date that passes.  Release them by themselves, or attach written messages from you or your family.
• If you have a burial place, bring special flowers or gifts for holidays or birthdays.  You may want to share angel food cake, special shaped cookies or another significant item with your family on birthdays, or open a family-oriented gift on holidays.
• Include your baby during holidays.  Add his or her name on holiday cards, stockings or any decoration that includes names.  Some parents have a prayer or time of remembrance before meals.  Or, you can donate flowers or money to your church, hospital, or other organization in memory of your baby.
• Create living memorials.  You can create a garden, or plant specific flowers, shrubs, or trees in honor of your baby.  This can be a daily reminder of your precious baby and how their love still grows in your heart.
• You may enjoy writing or keeping a journal.  Creating poems, or just jotting down your feelings during your journey can be a healthy grieving tool.  You may also find it comforting to reread your entries as time passes to see how you have changed or grown.
• Join or start a Share Walk for Remembrance & Hope in your area.  Contact a local grief support group, like SHARE, to find out more information.
• If available, you may like to attend the “Angel of Hope Ceremony” each December 6 at 7:00 P.M. at the Angel of Hope Statue in your area.
• You might like attending the annual “Light of Hope Ceremony” hosted by your local Share.